We all hate sales people
A well-known businessman recently started offering workshops. My Facebook feed has been flooded with advertisements.
I attend business workshops, but more than the specifics, I was interested in their process of running, collecting my contact information, and the script they would use to persuade me to buy.
The system worked flawlessly until I got on the phone call with the salesman.
He texted me in advance of the call, even when I asked him not to. When I told him on the call that I would not be purchasing that day his first question was, “Why not?” followed closely by “What concerns do you have that would prevent you from buying today?”
He was pushy. Less interested in answering my questions than in getting me to buy.
Contrast this example – which exemplifies why we all hate salespeople – to my dating life, where I can be too hesitant.
A awkward moment in my dating life
Growing up my mother taught me to be very sensitive to the impact I was having on other people – and especially on women.
A beautiful woman working out in my gym recently. She was barefoot and doing a lot of uncommon movement – ring dips, body isolations. My kind of athlete.
In a sequence that was uncomfortably similar to third grade, I looked at her, then away. She looked at me, and then away. We smiled slightly, but didn’t say hello. When she left twenty minutes later, I considered chasing after her. But the moment had passed.
Unlike in business or in my athletic life, I still have a lot of fear in dating. I do approach strangers, but I’m also afraid that someone will take a friendly “hello” the wrong way.
The two extremes of selling
There are two extremes of selling. A lot of people are hesitant even to ask for fear of being too demanding. Most of us don’t want to pressure people into things.
On the opposite extreme, a lot of salesmen won’t take no for an answer. They don’t ask; they demand.
I want to be comfortable approaching a stranger and asking her out to coffee. I will also fight to live in a world where salespeople aren’t pushy and the women in my life don’t have to worry about men harassing them.
Follow your fear
I’ve often said that “Fear is my north star.” When I notice that I’m avoiding something, I go towards it.
In selling, you have to get used to being uncomfortable. That's the job.
In that moment in the gym I was afraid, and I didn’t act. By contrast, that salesman on the phone call wasn’t afraid of being pushy.
My opportunity in dating is to say hello even when I'm nervous. That salesman might make more sales if he was more sensitive.
The only way to improve is by facing your fear. You have to take a step towards something that currently feel difficult. The definition of courage is action in the face of fear. So maybe all of us would benefit by attending to what we're afraid of, and then doing more of that.
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3 things I’ve loved this week
Quote I’m considering
“The scientist does not study nature because it is useful. He studies it because he takes pleasure in it, and he takes pleasure in it because it is beautiful.” —Henri Poincaré
I eat a lot of food cooked with coconut oil, but I've recently begun using this MCT oil, too. Derived from coconut oil, MCT oil is great for ketogenesis (using fat for fuel) and shows promise for a lot of neurological issues. I put a light drizzle on my salads or when I'm baking sweet potatoes in the oven.
Pro tip #1: Don't consume too much at a time. As with coconut oil, overuse can lead to the runs.
Pro tip #2: For best application, I suggest a spray bottle.
Book I'm listening to: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir
By New York Times bestselling author of Martian, Project Hail Mary tells the story of a science teacher who finds himself on the forefront of an effort to save humanity from a microscopic organism that is destroying the sun.
That sounds over the top, but in typical Andy Weir fashion, this fictional narrative is meticulously researched and all the science checks out.
Everything by Weir is excellent, and this latest book (pub. 2021) is no exception.
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Until next week,
Robin