Shame and humiliation won’t kill you
My first job out of college was bussing tables at a fine dining restaurant called La Mar Cebicheria Peruana.
It was a great first job out of school. The restaurant was just about to open and I was among the first employees. I had traveled in Peru, spoke Spanish, and loved the Peruvian food we served.
In the first few weeks, we hosted international dignitaries, food critics, and the owner of the La Mar franchise.
After the meal and surrounded by his entourage, the owner stood up to give a speech. He talked about the importance of Peruvian food and culture, our new restaurant, and what each of us staff members were doing to carry forward his legacy.
I was across the restaurant polishing glasses. With six fragile wine glasses in each hand, trying not to make noise during the owner’s talk, I stumbled and dropped several glasses. The expensive wine glasses – each worth more than I made in an hour – shattered on the floor.
I was so embarrassed that I literally hid under the counter while restaurant patrons looked around for the cause of the shattered glass.
I cringe remembering that moment, and the laughter of my fellow employees later that night.
I’ve carried that shame and humiliation for almost twenty years. But what's fascinating is that nobody else remembers. Nobody cares.
Moments that define us
We all have moments from our lives – highs and lows – that define us forever after.
When I think of my first job, I think of that story of the broken wine glasses. Not about the ceviche, or how much I hustled to get that job, or how proud I was to take my family to the restaurant on a night off.
I think of those expensive wine glasses and, to this day, dread being laughed at. The shame and humiliation of that moment is still motivator.
Why most people hate sales
Most people hate sales because of a single bad experience:
- You tried to persuade a friend in your childhood and were laughed out of the room.
- You sold fewer girl scout cookies than anyone else in your troupe.
- You were bombarded with calls from a telemarketer and concluded, quite naturally, that sales is awful.
We all have experiences that taught us that an industry, a type of person, or a skillset is out of reach or not worth doing.
And – like my shame around the wine glasses – those memories shape how we behave.
What if…
But what if we could wake up one morning and decide to live differently?
I, for one, don’t know how to trigger epiphany. Change rarely happens overnight.
But it is interesting to consider who might we be able to become if we decided to change.
Homework
What’s one story – positive or negative – you tell yourself? Where does that belief come from?
- A childhood experience
- A single great or terrible teacher
- An emotionally significant experience
The best way to begin changing a behavior is to recognize where it comes from, acknowledge the origin story, and begin building evidence through incremental steps towards who you want to become.
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3 things I’ve loved this week
I grew up jumping into ice covered lakes. Several years ago, I built a chest freezer cold plunge. I've just upgraded to a Plunge, a purpose-built cold plunge.
There’s no better way to start my day than by jumping into a 39 degree bathtub. Like all my favorite things, it is difficult to do but feels great afterwards.
(If you want to follow along with my cold morning dips, follow me on Instagram.)
I’ve used my Berkey water filter for almost a decade. But I recently tasted the tap water in the Zander Media office, and realized that the tap water tastes gross.
Berkeys aren't cheap, but they are simple. Pour water in the top and it is gravity-fed through charcoal filters. They have a lifetime guarantee and the water tastes great.
I’m back to eating regular food, with the exception of sugar and gluten. (That's funny to say, but after eating three ingredients for five months, it feels pretty abundant.)
I’ve been eating a lot of sauerkraut because live cultures are great for gut health, and so I'm picking up fermentation.
This New York Times best selling book is both tactical and beautifully written. If you’re interested in fermentation, start here.
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Until next week,
Robin